i THOUGHT i kept my EGO in check, but it look like i have a BIG problem. While i don't have a problem REMOVIN myself from da equation, i put 2 much emphasis on myself when i'm in da mix. dess bad--iss almost PURE PRIDE. n it sure as shit don't mesh well wif my justifiable abhorrence of stupidity--ESPECIALLY since iss SO MANY stupid muthafuckas on da loose (dess HAFF a joke)...

my wittle introspective blurb izz prompted by a few thangs dat happened in Hartford--notably my outburst dat stemmed from losin much more den da junk i wuzz drawin, mendin fences wif Chris Cree--who i dun cut 2 shreds about EGO, n dat idiot Matt IMAGININ dat he izz a BETTER player (read GOT MORE GAME) den me (manifested as we discussed Sam's SHAM).

i wuzz WRONG n i KNEW it for ANSWERIN da moron i wuzz playin, but i WANTED to pick a fight at dat point--n please note if u EVER see me kickin somebody's ass, get somebody i WOULDN'T fuck up 2 pull me off em. an old lady would be good, but not dat old bitch (NO apology cuz dess EXACTLY what she wuzz--i got up n gave dat bitch a seat when i first MET her AND simply said 'yes mam' AFTER she committed da near unforgivable sin of SINGLING me out in a ROOMFUL of fuckin noise. but den DAT itself say SUMPN...) cuz i might backhand her 2.

i wuzz wrong 4 cuttin up Chris absent da complete recognition of my own problem wif EGO/PRIDE. Matt's comments bother me CUZ i like him but find his faults intolerable--which make him 2 a degree intolerable. or do dey REALLY bother me cuz my EGO demand dat he bow b4 me KNOWING dat fool wouldn't even afta i whip his ass--n i mean CLEARLY OUTPLAY him--in MANY sessions???

fuck Matt n fuck dat ole bat, aside from da rhyme, i'm happy i undastand da reason i do MOST shit. it might not keep me from fuckin up, but it help keep me from BEING fucked up...

whenever i comment on a position, i have the benefit of looking at any given one with the benefit of years of experience. That, combined with my predilection for obsessively flipping shit around in my head, is the reason i speak so authoritatively when analyzing a given position.

My kooky sense of humor generally has a mocking tone, but it is totally devoid of malicious intent. i don't MEAN to sound nasty, but a GOOFY muthafucka SHOULD be able to take a joke (see). i should take into account that analyzing positions is easy to me NOW because of years of practice and study--and i'm often conversing with people who aint been alive long as i have been playing. It also don't help none that it is likely very few players who actually STUDY positions over the board...

after reading something that confirmed some shit i was already fairly sure of, i THOUGHT i was gonna pass out--i lost feelin in my mouf, i got lightheaded, n it felt like my head was being pulled down into my chest when i inhaled.

i laid down--n was somewhat relieved when i woke up 20 minnits later (laffin at how my arms was folded like i was in a gotdayum casket).

when i peeked at cgp, i saw some FUNNY shit dat almost made me pass out AGAIN (funnier followin da link)...


i gotta find an OPEN MIKE nite 4 comedians in da hood juss so i can say da shit i REALLY wanna...

http://fifthdown.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/03/26/dallas-police-officer-makes-death-even-worse/

dess about as inhumane as it get short of HATE.

sadness dat such could n would occur n outrage at something minor in da grand scheme of things. a buncha lil shizznit add up...

i despise stupidity cuz it lend itself 2 shit like dhis. iss fluckin PAINFUL...

normally, i trip like this ONLY afta huffin n puffin summa dat funky stuff--but evidently i done got OLD...

lexpertin my 789 hi prob stuff, i laffed to myself sayin ALL dat crap izz up there SOMEWHERE (in my head) as i nailed stuff like FEHINORRT, AAIKRSTTU, BEILLNRU, & DEINOPPR. EILMSTTUU started the trouble, i said SCOOPLESS instedda CESSPOOLS, totally guessed at AAADDEELN, & decided to pack it in when i looked at PEACOCKY n said what da fluck izz a COPYCAKE (n dat wuzz AFTA think along COCK lines cuz COCKSFOOT wif da dumbass S plural wuzz also in dhis set).

3rd n 1--WATCH dey (Oklahoma) fluck up...almost GUARANTEED to fluck up...

loss of 4; blocked field goal attempt (49 YARDS n 42 izz kicker's longest this year).

don't particularly like Urban Mayer, but he a much better coach than Stoops (who MUST be dat Scotus guy reincarnated).

Mayer is rubbin dat look 2 da sideline crap in Oklahoma's face. Oklahoma SHOULD have benn stompin Florida--n likely woulda been if dey had juss lined up n thrown da dayum ball downfield. But tryna be cute wif dat chesslike check off at da line crap, dey let Florida stay in da game--n NOW dey in GREAT danger of losin.

Nebraska lost to Miami, Houston lost 2 NC State, n da Vikings lost to Atlanta. Oklahoma losin to Florida wouldn't be quite as bad, but 60 freakin point 5 games inna row make it close...

12:13 tied at 14...

i keep getting notification that so n so done added/invited me 2 be a facebook friend or whatevva da fluck it say.

WHATdafluck is facebook (whuss da PURPOSE) n WHY headz izz contactin me thru dat medium?????????? if i log on n peep somebody's page, i BETTER (n HOW did this get to mean THREATENINGLY OUGHT) see some picture of OTHER Afrikan peepul...

from da ppa/who in thread...


cuzzakenji wrote:

Dec. 4th, 2008 04:22 am (UTC)
well, i guess it don't matter WHO izz in...n i guess i aint on dhis planet to 'get it' (as in, i don't...)

i don't know when n where i first used da words 'steering committee'--n it may not matta. What do mattER is the way the wind is blowing in scrabbleland.

mildly happy dat da expectation curve wuzz finally improved, i'd b much happier if i didn't have hopes of movin 2 match style play. i suppose a rating system of SOME sort MUST exist, so it must b me hatin a lil bit (n ACHINg a LOT).

dat aside, i have neitha faith nor hope dat da steering committee will point me as a scrabble player anywhere pleasant ridin an ill wind.

i have long thought that i COULD put together THE PUZZLE--snap da pieces in place--well inside of 60 days. we'll see...

Whuss da point (of LIFE)...

shit u hear, shit u see--->>fluck wif u. heard Temps CLOUD9--actually pondered da lyrics...

inconsiderate n dissed headz on da bus--dissed guy repeatedly take a buncha small blows--->>shit add up...

Joey Bihlmeyer's observation about body lang on point n i wish i could comment further, but i'm tired (n some thangs izz betta left unsaid)...

i notice WHAT otha peepul notice...i notice what otha peepul don't notice (look out, mon)...

i huffed n puffed summa dat funky stuff...

so i'm ponderin levels of consciousness, low improperly emphasize/prioritize--whatevva...

if it aint obvious, i don't impress easily (i hooked TAPHOLE 5 ways--TIT n 4 2s--n said headz go gaga ova easy shit). my sense of humor might b runnin thangs allup in my person (cept when i'm REALLY fuckin up).

of 2nite's monumentally significant election, i keep thinkin SOMEBODY izz tellin somebody else, 'Dude, u/yall fucked up SO bad...'

that i will also deliver in person, but since i mentioned it (albeit in somebody else's journal)...

like i said, because i don't think they are REALLY good does not mean that i do not respect their abilities. i was and am wrong to spout off about JKB and Olaf--they are truly exceptionally good players who certainly will become GREAT players in time. They have not been playing long, but thier BODY of WORK (as opposed to their RESULTS) does speak for itself.
While they do have peculiar ideas about HOW the game should be and is played, they simply are two of the best new/younger players who have come into the game.

Most of my frustration about the state of the game stems from the fact that the game is not where it could, should, and would be. Combined with my abhorrence of any form of stupidity--manifest in the shameful ignorance in considering WHAT with a total disregard for HOW (i.e., SPREAD arguments and ANY mention of RESULTS within a ridiculously flawed tourney structure)--i wrongly spoke of JKB and Olaf.

i do not apologize for offering my opinion about their ability compared to Kenji's--i think Kenji has a stronger game than both of them. Aethetically (for this reason alone), i hope to live to see all of them (and many more) become really great players.

for da virtual hugs/pats on da back...

c whomevva whenevva, if evva...

my mother died today--juss a fyi type thang...

already noted lj's voyeuristic vibe--i gotta chill cuz i'm gettin pains in my neck (LITnFIG).

Jesse izz learnin 2 slow--he goin back 2 skool anyway (dess what u might call a joky joke)...

Rod n Jason, good luck wif da match tourneys, hopefully i'll have some good news soon.

all u gotta do izz juss say u want in...

WHO izz in???

in response 2 sumpn ELSE said in anuvva thread,



(wherein i had already posted da followin:


So a group of pepole exist that like to play scrabble. Some of them would like to be professionals--merely afforded the possibility of earning a living competeing in tournaments. Such could only be achieved thru sponsorship.

WHOSE responsibility is it to secure sponsoship?
WHOSE responsibility is it to secure sponsoship?
WHOSE responsibility is it to secure sponsoship?
WHOSE responsibility is it to secure sponsoship?
WHOSE responsibility is it to secure sponsoship?)




someone said,

----------------------------------------------------------
Sponsorship is an answer, but that's such a long way away
-----------------------------------------------------------




i closed wif:

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHY izz dat such a long way away???????? Sponsorship could b attained b4 da yearend IF players would do juss SOME of what need 2b done.

da more pointed q 2b asked (AGAIN) izz WHY aint players WILLING 2 do what need 2b done????????????????
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SPREAD
--------
how can anyone win by 100 while drawin junk??? blowouts come from drawin well--izz dat TRUE or FALSE?


if NOBODY blowout opp drawin JUNK--dat mean dey drew GREAT 2 blowout. BLOWOUT MUCH MORE a FUNCTION of LUCK vs SKILL (ANALYZE ALL BLOWOUT as PROOF).

--------------

SKILL can ONLY be measured by examining each move of each game.

Observation of ANY end result such as scoring averages or differentials

==============================
EDITED 2 ADD:

FINAL STANDING placement of ANY tourney
===================================

ignore how the result was obtained
ignore how the result was obtained
ignore how the result was obtained
ignore how the result was obtained
ignore how the result was obtained

-----------------------------------------
i think headz have a warped perspective in assessin results absent da most pertinent n relevant info. not 2 mention gaugin performance in unacknowledged uneven competition.
-----------------------------------------


That obvious blunders sometimes are fortuitous for the blunderer while near perfect play often goes unrewarded and is ALWAYS at the mercy of PURE CHANCE should be sufficient evidence with due consideration.
----------------------------------------------


HOW wuzz da spread OBTAINED???? stop lookin at an END RESULT of a flawed system as u have an obstructed vantage point (PERSPECTIVE)...







WHY dhis aint merely acknowledged MUST speak 2 some deep rooted shit (WILLFUL blindness izz some shit dat'll have u fuckin up on Sunday).
=======================================================================


=========================================
EXAMPLE of LUCK vs SKILL producin blowout
========================================

Nigel beat me by 100. he wuzz up a lot, i got a lucky 60 pt X play (15A AXED under 14B ANIMATED). still up 40, he played 13E OH 14 pts when 13C OH wuzz 23 n woulda blocked 13B ZA 47--which izz what i played.

Nigel did a LOT of similarly stupid shit, but drew GREAT 2 camouflage it. shit like dat happen a LOT. if headz took da time 2 LOOK vs sproutin a buncha platitudinous bullshit, dey would see. DOUBTLESS, some would STILL IGNORE (da very SUBSTANCE of IGNORANCE, mind u). LUCK make spread FAR more den SKILL do.
===============================================



oh, but dess arguin INSIDE a stupid box...WHY accord significance 2 dat which izz otherwise insignificant? SPREAD izz ONLY relevant CUZ iss used as a tiebreaker--JUSS LIKE TOTAL POINTS scored WOULD ONLY b RELEVANT if used as a tiebreaker. MATCH STYLE render spread PROPERLY IRRELEVANT. i don't even see how dhs izz debatable (other den IGNORANCE--n i sure don't mean mine).


dhis some shit worthy of discussion (cuz i swear if money got put on da table n yall wanted 2 continue 2 compete as we now do, i would almost certainly KILL SOME of u idiots).

========================================


if anybody disagree wif anything i said (wrote), knock yoself out...


while i wuzz typin/cutnpastin dhis shit, Iron Man (Rob Downey, Jr.) in COALFACE (BLACKFACE) wuzz advertised on tv. altho dess some PATENTLY offensive shit, it izz kinda funny.

i had a palrty 31 bingos TOTAL. i missed ONE bingo dat i would have played had i seen it (ATARAxIC) n one i likely wouldna played had i seen it (i did da right thing as opp cooperated but tiles didn't).

i exchanged afta bingo 7 times. i played one phony bingo on purpose and allowed one phony bingo. i lost no challenges (~7). i won 3 games by a single point, 2 outright gifts. i got 3 other games handed to me in the pure endgame. i did not give away a single game (i shamefully stole spread from Sam Rosin by playin sumpn stupid). i had ONE fortuitous endgame draw (afta makin what wuzz surely my best play of da entire tournament--i took NINE minutes 2 find da best play).

i'm not gonna count opp bingos as it'd probly make my blood pressure rise. i'm not gonna count em, but i know i had fewer 400 games den liklely anybody in da top 40. i also did not have a SINGLE 500 game (i'd be shocked if anybody else in da top 40 didn't have at least one 500 game).

in summary, i drew like shit. i played about as well as i have ever played--i didn't make 10 erros (of any kind) da entire tournament, but dess likely a result of drawing so poorly (did not have many oppurtunities 2 make mistakes. i'd have gladly traded some efficiency 4 betta tiles.

i suppose i can count myself lucky that i have competed so long in tourneys and have not yet knocked the living shit out of anybody--most notably the fool who called me NIGGER and BOY in what must have been within the same breath or the supposed genius who told me to SHUT UP when we were discussing (the drawbacks of) automated pairing systems.

i have certainly had many positive experiences while competing in tourneys. But the negatives of poor tournament structure and insanely poorer returns in tandem with the scrabble world's population make it absolutely unbearable if shit aint LOOKIN LIKE iss gonna improve.

The scrabble world is so fuckin backward it made me seriously ponder human history (is the european indigenous to a particular land of his own???). At one extreme is people whose brains function at an absurdly high capacity, but they almost categorically refuse to THINK for themselves. At the other extreme is people whose brains function within what could pass for a normal capacity, but they tend to think far too much of themselves.

i won't hazard a guess as to the percentage of nuts in the game--we're all a lil crazy. Given that the WHOLE of the scrabble community CAN be viewed as a kookyish hodgepodge, tourney scrabble might not look particularly attractive to the casual observer. But, we aint ALL nuts n we don't play da same game.

Scrabble played at the highest level is an art form (what do hell do dat mean considerin some of da shit dess CONSIDERED art??????). Meaning absolutely no disrespect to anyone, it aint but a handful of players who could realistically compete (for the top prizes--and that those prizes SHOULD, COULD, n WOULD be much more lucrative izz entirely relevant 2 da discussion) IF tourneys were structured SENSIBLY. Whomever says s/he just want to have fun in competing in tournaments, probably is not capable of becoming a professional scrabble player. Again, that is not a knock against anyone--shit, as it stand, that person is much better off.

So a group of pepole exist that like to play scrabble. Some of them would like to be professionals--merely afforded the possibility of earning a living competeing in tournaments. Such could only be achieved thru sponsorship. With sposorship, some would earn a living--most would not. But wouldn't EVERY player benefit from sponsorship?? Certainly so, particularly where the Professional Player Association (PPA) recognized an obligation to the Amateur Player Association (AMA or NSA--i don't give a fuck what yall call it). The easy part would be mandating such an obligation in the PPA's charter. The hard part is securing sponsoship. WHOSE responsibility is it to secure sponsoship?.

This is where John Williams enters the picture. Hasbro paid JW to promote the game. In ALL my interaction with JW, i found that he had no interest in promoting the game if he would not PERSONALLY profit from such promotion. Without a doubt, JW also has EGO issues (he carry a grudge like luggage). He likely has never forgiven me for calling him greedy n stupid (which he unquestionably is IF he has actively hindered the growth of tourney scrabble as he would have profited from that growth).

There is a picture on the internet of JW n me talkin. It was taken in Dallas after the NSC. JW is questioning me about what i would say if interviewed on national television (i have a necklace wif a BLACK POWER fist). i tell him, 'don't ask me no qs 2 which u can't stand 2 hear da answer. ask me bout scrabble, i'll talk about scrabble. ask me bout amerikkka, i'll tell u bout amerikkka'. Adam wuzzint 'suitable' 4 tv cuz aside from lookin like a leprechaun on steroids, he spoke sotto voce. i guess i wuzz also unsuitable cuz i wuzzint no punk (happygolucky fellow). Nobody did tv n a bullshit excuse wuzz given (doubtless, some dummy will point out some shit got blown up da next day or so). a golden opportunity to promote da game fell by da wayside (da contrast twixt me n adam woulda been utterly fascinatin shown from da 'proper' angle).

i caught a glimpse of how JW get down fom his awkward ass interrogation n a coupla other convo. i continued to compete in tourneys waitin 4 da media to come calling. i had been giving SOME thought on how to capitalize when the opportunity presented itself. i warned ALL scrabble players that JW did not really care about OUR BEST interests--when TV come, if we aint careful, we would b da LAST one to profit from it. TV came n prize money stayed da same. stupid muthafuckaz didn't listen. What SHOULD we have done??? WHATDAFUCK--i gotta think of everything??????? dumb shits would sign dey life away wifout a fuckin thought (waiver 2 do tv as scrabbler)--more JW bullshit, but nobody care cuz he fight for our right to party.

i can't do much more of dhis--dhis it. Stefan's Manhattan bookreadin. da week before, i talk 2 Edley on da phone wonderin whether or not he feignin stupidity or he really don't understand WHY a company would give almost anything (certainly ANY amount of money a PPA would ask) to put its name in front of CHILDREN. i explain it to Joe. "we can use the school scrabble program dangling da carrot as bait for corporate sponsorship". da next week at da bookreadin, JW used da EXACT phrasition talkin 2 me. JW izz a sick, twisted muhfucka IF he did so CUZ he wanted me 2 KNOW (which izz how it seemed at da time + da skimmin off da top tude not dat it really matta given dat wuzz almost 10 years ago n shit aint change much--n i would add dat da fact dat shit aint changed speak 2 somebody's incompetence).

i have been insulted more ways den i care 2 count subjectin myself 2 some stupid shit 4 way 2 many years. my fault 4 subjectin myself 2 stupid shit. no mas...

i TRULY believe dat IF we played match style (once a month @ 20K 1stplace, 4 majors @ 50K, 100K NSC) n i did EXTREMELY well (win more den 3), muthafuckas wouldn't wanna compete like dat (n would offer some bullshit reasons). while it would b a shame 2 nevva find out, many more things izz a shame...

Ron Tiekert n me chattin at da reception. someone walks up n ask for my autograph. i tell her she SHOULD be asking for HIS autograph CUZ he ARGUABLY da BEST player EVER.
she don't know who he is UNTIL he sign one of her flashcards.

taken by itself, it don't mean much--but not bein recognized while being one of da best players ever is as bad as not being recognized as one of da best players ever.